Zumba Warrior

327I went to Zumba yesterday x 2. I’ve been gaining the pounds due to inactivity and people feeding me every time they see me. What is it about me that makes people feed me? They must think I’m an animal at the zoo. My face brings the impulsiveness out of people to put some delicious food in front of me. Well, no more. I was asked to come up for tacos last night and I put my foot down. No more, I went to Zumba and I ate fresh fruit (1 cup of pineapple and 1 pear neatly sliced). Zumba was a mess. This 24 hour fitness has a nice 1.5 hour class on Saturdays but during the week is a mess. The class was demanding and high impact- I’m ok with that. But the girls in here are nasty!!!!!

Nasty!!!! I tell you. The classes started with “raise your hand if this is your first Zumba class?” Well, hell that did not apply to me but as the class started it was quite clear that it actually did. I was 3 rows from the front and could get a good look at the instructor. I was super excited because I have not been able to master one Zumba class yet. I’m an ok dancer yet, I cannot figure out the steps or sequence. Was aerobics that hard? I do Zumba like the guys do Zumba. I have got to get better at this.

So, I was determined to really focus and get all the steps correctly this time. Then it happened. Oh, it happened ever so silently. The smell in the room was beyond foul, and I have seen my share of S**t through the years. I had to stop to see if anyone else was affected by this clear violation of sportsmanship conduct. Surely there’s a book somewhere about this. I couldn’t’ stop it from going into the filtering system in my lungs. My throat was closing down in an attempt to save me from the disgusting smell. Everyone seemed to be unaffected by this event. I wasn’t sure if they had did not smell it or they were use to it.

Then it hit me. I could sing along!!! You cannot breathe when you sing. That will give the smell plenty of time to dissipate and everything will be all right. I couldn’t sing long enough. I had to breathe. Why is this smell not dissipating? Then another attack!!!!! Who the hell is doing this? You know what they say “the criminal always returns to the site of the crime.” I just couldn’t figure out which A** H&^% it was. Gotcha! Direct eye contact! Nasty B****! So, I moved, to the very front of the class. Now I’m looking for another Zumba class 


Salsa Skills

I saw this guy with Salsa skills. He was with a girl who was wearing a tight skirt up her hooha, and high heels, 4 inch at least. Soon, the club began to resonate with the sound of the Clave. Was it a 2-3 Clave or 3-2 Clave? Don’t be too technical, just follow it. He enthusiastically grabbed her and took center stage of the dance floor, as we who also enjoy the sound, looked on. No, I take it back; the girls were looking while the Salsa boys were perusing the club looking for a Salsa dancing prey. Me! Me! Me!
So he tried a basic steps, a couple of turns and a spin. She of course, was clueless, as in Salsa clueless. She was so excited to be on the dance floor, and was eager to learn the steps. He brought it down a notch and did a basic step and a right turn, and she was of course still clueless, as in Salsa clueless. He then brought it down yet another notch, and did a basic step and what looked like a cross body lead out of the dance floor as he nodded to her “no, no, no.”
She kept asking him to teach her but he just kept nodding his head “no, no, no.” He is not being mean. You cannot learn Salsa Dancing on a Spring night after a couple of shots of Tequila or Vodka. I’m not judging. I’m just saying. I lost tract of him because the DJ’s were merciless for they played, Salsa, Bachata, and Merenge until it was time to close the club doors.
I saw the guy one more time that night. It was on my way out of the club. He was drinking his sorrows away as his body swayed in perfect timing to the Clave in the company of the girl with the tight skirt up her hooha, and the heels, 4 inch at least. He was miserable.
Girls, get your learn on, as in Salsa or the boy you are with will be leaving you at home. I’m only telling you this because I luv you.