Imma gonna share something with you that’s gonna make you not like me so much. But I know the kind of bitches of friends that I have so here I go.
I once had a boyfriend who would do anything for me. Actually, they all have but that’s not the point.
I was feeling passé, I guess. Anyway, he came over one morning. Yeah, that’s right! I’m a good Catholic girl, none of this spending the night bullshit…..unless they pay my bills, present and future bills. But that’s not the point.
He brought me a sandwich with my favorite drink so I won’t feel so passé because he did not know what passé meant (Red flag!).
I sipped on my favorite drink as I opened my sandwich and to my dismay, it did not have cheese!!!! I love cheese by the way, and God knows he won’t ever forget it. 😀 But that is also not the point.
I wanted to yell out of the top of my lungs but I couldn’t because my body was in full save the bitch mode by responding to the signals of my carina, which just activated a full cough reflex. My brain also had send messages to a part of my larynx, and just like that my epiglottis moved closer to my larynx to block all fluid and particles from entering my lungs. The same epiglottis that had failed me seconds before and put me in this mess to begin with. All of this while, my uvula did nothing, absolutely nothing. But that’s not the point.
I managed to voice a raspy whisper that stated clearly, “it doesn’t have cheese!” Trust me, my face expression carried the message stronger than any shouting match on this side of the Mississippi.
He got up and looked at me so perplexed. I guess, he was waiting for a Thank you or something? But you all know me, and gratitude is something I would have to learn in my later years. Today I was the Bomb!!!!
So, he politely excused himself, and said, I will be right back.
That’s right!!! That’s how I do it!!!!
He returned promptly (he was an avid runner) with another food item. I opened my breakfast to be, to find out it was a doughnut with extra cheese on top of it.
No he didn’t!!!! Yes, he did.
Oh, Goal accomplished. I no longer feel passé. Now, I’m pissed!!!
So, I got up to my feet, and showed him the door, and that was the end of that relationship.
For all of you who want to take his side. First of all, we had been dating for a while, and everywhere I went I order cheese in all languages in whatever country we were at. Second of all, how the hell are you going to try to teach me a lesson with props?
Anyway, he is happily married, and has been for years. Me? Single. I wonder why? You don’t want to hear what happened to the guy that bought me the wrong flowers for Valentine’s day. He is also happily married….. and I’m still single 😛